Talking about mental health and chronic illness is triggering for many of us warriors. Many of us have been dismissed, not believed, and misdiagnosed by medical providers. We hear things like: \u201cIt\u2019s all in your head.\u201d You\u2019re just depressed.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s anxiety.\u201d \u201cYour symptoms are all from stress.\u201d And the list goes on. This is medical trauma. Our physical symptoms and diseases and diagnoses are very real. For many, like me, they are genetic and very likely would be present without stress or trauma or other mental health issues. And while every human experiences stress, many chronic illness sufferers haven\u2019t experienced trauma significant enough to be the cause of their diseases. Being told these statements is dismissive, isolating, stressful, depressing, unfair, and 100% untrue. And they cause us to be triggered by and immediately reject any mention of mental health in conjunction with our illnesses. But\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ve learned through decades as a psychotherapist, trauma survivor, and now chronic illness warrior that our bodies and minds are intricately connected. So much so that we can\u2019t really experience symptoms in one without the other being affected too. And therefore, these medical providers do a big disservice by dismissing our symptoms as mental health issues only and keep our community from being able to talk about their connection in a healthy way. So, I will try my best to remedy that with this post.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My diseases are all very real and valid and genetic. No one really knows why some people develop autoimmune diseases and others don\u2019t. Physicians, like rheumatologists who specialize in autoimmune diseases (only the good ones of course), I would argue are the best detectives in the medical world. There are no definite genetic markers for many of these diseases (all of mine), and rheumies have to be very educated and experienced and able to put together a lot of puzzling pieces. From what I\u2019ve learned, it\u2019s generally believed that some people are genetically predisposed to autoimmune diseases, but some kind of environmental factor triggers the start of the disease in a person\u2019s body. This trigger can be another illness, like strep throat and others, an accident, or a myriad of other often unidentified events.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I firmly believe that my autoimmune diseases are intricately related to the constant and ongoing trauma I\u2019ve suffered throughout my life. In addition, trauma triggers and other stress almost always trigger a flare of all my symptoms. It is generally well documented that this link between stress and flares is true for many autoimmune warriors. Again, our bodies and minds are intricately connected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Being good at my job as a psychotherapist requires me to be self-aware and always working on myself. That is imperative to be fully present with my clients and not superimpose my own issues, thoughts, and feelings onto them (countertransference as discussed in my last post). I\u2019ve always taken this very seriously. And because of all my trauma, I learned how to effectively manage it so that it didn\u2019t outwardly affect my life, my job, or my interactions with others. However, all of this trauma still had to go somewhere. For me it was my body.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The effect of trauma on my body became even more clear to me when I started seeing a functional medicine physician. Through her practice, I had a procedure called a VitalScan. My results were alarming, even for my physician. My body is always functioning in a stress response. Basically my body is acting as if I am always in danger, like my traumas are still always occurring. My physician said that she has never seen such a significant stress response. Most people alternate between relaxed and stressed states. Even though I\u2019ve suffered almost a lifetime – literally \u2013 of trauma, this result took me by surprise. By the time of this procedure, my trauma was in the past. I had removed or significantly limited contact with all but one of my abusers. And the one remaining was no longer abusive and actively working towards making amends for his abuse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But\u2026 the effects from all this trauma don\u2019t just disappear. My body was clearly taking the brunt of all of it. And I believe that all of this trauma and my body\u2019s stress response is very much linked to the severity of my autoimmune diseases and their resistance to treatments. Again, my diseases are very real. And even if my body completely heals from this trauma, I am confident that my diseases will remain. And they likely will still be severe and significantly impact my life. But, this procedure alerted me to the need for finding a therapist competent in trauma work. I\u2019m hoping that by doing this work, my flares will be less frequent and a bit less debilitating. But even if this doesn\u2019t happen for me, working through all my trauma with a validating and compassionate psychotherapist, can only be beneficial for me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I began my work with the most amazing psychotherapist I\u2019ve ever had\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recently my therapist recommended that I share my story. I\u2019ve shared a lot, but I\u2019ve really only ever shared tidbits of my story. I\u2019ve always been given messages that I need to protect the abusers in my life. That the potential consequences to them were more significant than the potential healing I could receive from sharing my story. My family of origin never took my feelings or thoughts into account, and I was always given the message that sharing my feelings would hurt them and me. This along with the explicit message said a lot: \u201cLet\u2019s just keep that in the family.\u201d In other words: Never share the painful or shameful things with others.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My family members lacked compassion or kindness but always expected me and others to care for them. I was the calm one. The one called upon to fix their problems. Never the one allowed to need help or compassion or kindness for myself. Always the one giving and never the one receiving. And my adult life repeated this same pattern. In the evangelical world I was punished and ostracized for sharing how church leaders hurt me. Which happened repeatedly. And with my husband being in ministry, I received the message that sharing my pain with others would hurt him and in turn hurt me. So I learned to be silent, and my body bears the burden.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before I really begin, I want to say a few things. Most of the members of my family of origin, my Dad especially, grew up in unhealthy environments where their own emotional and physical needs were unmet. I truly believe that they were doing the best that they knew how to do. And for my spouse – he is truly a changed person. He has been through his own trauma and decades of therapy. And he is now not only compassionate and kind to others, but also showing that same compassion and kindness to me. He has emotionally and\/or physically removed himself from toxic places. And he is actively working on repairing the damage he has done to me. He was also a victim to these unhealthy spaces. And he\u2019s ashamed of his previous behavior. I hope that my readers can show him the same grace that I have shown to him. This does not however excuse or remove the\u00a0traumas inflicted on me and their damage. I still experience constant triggers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also, if you are currently experiencing trauma or are a trauma survivor, please stop reading if you think this might trigger you and lead to your own trauma reaction. Please take care of yourself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am finally allowing myself to share a fuller picture of my life in this public format. This is my story, and I am allowed to share it. Here I go being brave\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ll start with the parts that are easier for me to write about. My childhood. I was a very lonely kid. I had one safe adult in my life \u2013 my Nana who lived 2 doors down from us. Sadly though, she developed Alzheimer\u2019s pretty early in my life. My family members were never emotionally present for me. And I grew up in a conservative evangelical culture where obeying parents and staying married no matter what were some of the highest values. My parents never protected me from emotionally damaging situations. We were made to keep visiting my Grandpa and Grandma. My Grandma never spoke to us, and my Grandpa made fun of me. When kids bullied me at school, I had no one to talk to about it. And at the age of 3, my parents had me start taking music lessons \u2013 violin and piano. Despite having very strict teachers who didn\u2019t seem to understand the value of encouraging kids, I mostly enjoyed playing my instruments. Until… my family found a way to exploit those talents for their own benefit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My mom had quit her job as a teacher when my older sister was born. That\u2019s pretty common in conservative evangelical culture. Except my dad never brought in enough money to cover our bills, and my mom didn\u2019t even seem to enjoy being a parent. She was rarely home. Most of her time was spent drinking coffee and doing crossword puzzles at a local restaurant or shopping. She was an avid shopper, hoarder, and spent much of our money on clothes for herself that were never worn and other unnecessary items. Any clothes that were bought for my sister and I we were told to keep secret from our dad. They didn\u2019t spend money on necessary repairs for our home, and there were big holes in the wall in my bedroom from leaky pipes, etc. Our house was overrun with mice with nothing done to control them. Our water was dangerous to drink and stained our bathtub. The only time the house was cleaned was when I did it out of desperation and embarrassment. My mom was hours late picking me up from school. I would be crying on the inside when the principal and other staff were locking up the school and my mom was nowhere in sight. I would smile bravely though, saying to them that she would be there any minute. My mom never remembered my likes and dislikes no matter how many times I told her. There is so much more I could say. But in short, my childhood was filled with neglect and loneliness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
To solve our financial problems, my parents began exploiting the musical talents of my sister and me. They started what was labeled as a family music \u201cministry\u201d. They forced us to travel up and down the east coast and play our violin and piano and sing in churches every weekend. The churches would take an offering for us, and that was our main income source. It was horrible for me. I was a very socially anxious child. So not only was this exhausting for me as a 5 yr. old, but it was also terribly embarrassing. Not only did I have to perform in front of others, but I had to stand in line at the back of the churches to shake peoples\u2019 hands and then spend the remainder of the day talking with pastors and other adults that I didn\u2019t even know. I spent the whole weekend being a mini adult, smiling, and performing. When on the inside I was sad, anxious, lonely, and tired. My school homework was done in church pews and in the car on rides between churches. I had little social life because I was away every weekend. Some Sundays we would leave in the dark hours of the morning, drive all the way to Boston, perform in 5 churches, and drive home overnight. My parents never believed me when I told them I couldn\u2019t sleep in the car. Multiple times I remember getting to our house only to see the school bus arriving at my bus stop. My parents instructed me to get dressed quickly, and my mom drove me to school. This lasted through early high school until it mercifully slowed down and eventually stopped when my sister started college. And after getting my driver\u2019s license I got a part-time job and tried very hard to be at home as little as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Any time it seemed I was getting close to sharing how horrible this \u201cministry\u201d was for me or on the rare occasion when a church member or pastor informed my parents that I seemed very unhappy, my parents reminded us of how much they relied on this income, and I was shamed into silence. My parents have never admitted any wrong-doing. They have completely rewritten the story of my childhood. And this was reinforced for them in our evangelical world – churches asked them to lead parenting classes. I learned that my voice didn\u2019t count, my feelings didn\u2019t matter, and my only usefulness in the world was in what I could do for others. I didn\u2019t get to take up any space in the world unless it was to benefit someone else.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I also learned that I could only ever rely on myself. I never saw any of that money. I worked really hard in school so that I could get scholarships to go to college. I ended up being #1 in my high school graduating class and earned full scholarships \u2013 room and board included – to 2 colleges. Go me! When my fianc\u00e9 insisted that I ask them for some money for our wedding \u2013 $500: a small amount considering the huge expense \u2013 my dad threw a fit and shamed me for asking. Afterwards I surveyed their house and found closets full of unworn clothes \u2013 expensive ones \u2013 with the tags still on them. In my early adult life my dad would call me and ask me for money. He would then hang up on me when I said no. While in college, my mom stole money from a checking and a savings account of mine that her name was on and never paid it back. My parents eventually foreclosed on my childhood home after years of not paying the mortgage. When I helped them move out, the house was in worse condition than when I lived there.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During the week I spent time at my church youth group. There we were taught that girls should make every effort to keep a boy\u2019s eyes on our faces and not on our body. We were told to wear lots of makeup, long dresses, no tight clothing, and non-colored tights. We were responsible for a boys\u2019 thoughts and behaviors. We were told lots of nonsense there. I was always an inwardly rebellious kid, so I never believed any of this and saw it for its ridiculous. But again, I was forced to be in an environment that didn\u2019t fit me. One that caused me repeated frustration and one where the grownups again communicated that my voice didn\u2019t matter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In my adulthood I began to go to more reasonable evangelical churches. However, these places were still filled with quiet racism, xenophobia, and lots of sexism. Women were only allowed to speak on stage if it wasn\u2019t the sermon, or it could on a rare occasion be the sermon if their husband was next to them on stage. Women were put in roles to act as pastors but were never called pastors or paid like pastors. Once I was nominated to be an elder in a church I had attended for a decade. It never even went to a vote. Being a woman was a nonstarter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During this time I became a little more brave with my inner rebelliousness and began starting discussions about these issues and pointing them out. Even though I\u2019ve always done my best to remain a kind and compassionate person (it\u2019s actually my high level of empathy that led to me being passionate about these issues in the first place), being a woman and challenging the status quo was not well received. These churches like to appear as though they are welcoming for all. When I started to point out the things they liked to keep hidden, I became a problem. I was never invited into their secretive invite-only discipleship program for women. I was publicly insulted by church leaders and then called the problem by the lead pastor when I kindly confronted those behaviors. Finally at one church where I served and gave of my time for over a decade, I was asked to leave by the head pastor. Well ok. Actually what he said was \u201cIf you choose to go elsewhere, you go with our full blessing.\u201d I read between the lines. I was told by another church pastor that I was on their church watch list. This was after I processed his recent sermon on gender stereotypes (He thinks they\u2019re biblical) and my trauma reaction to it with 3 other women in a small group. I didn\u2019t realize that the small group leader had been directed to share any perceived negative comments about the head pastor or his wife with the pastor\u2019s wife. My comments were perceived as a threat to the church.\u00a0The small group leader \u2013 who I thought was a good friend \u2013 complied. Because that\u2019s what you do in an evangelical church if you want to continue belonging \u2013 follow the directions of the pastors and leaders regardless of what they are or who they hurt. There were many more damaging and traumatic moments for me. But in short, again I received the message loud and clear that my voice doesn\u2019t matter \u2013 even if I\u2019m using it to help other people. I\u2019m a problem if I don\u2019t obey the rules and stay in my place. To stay in that environment, I could have my own thoughts and feelings, but if they contradict the people in charge, I needed to keep them to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And here\u2019s the part of my story that I\u2019ve kept secret. I\u2019ve only talked with 5 trusted people about the following traumas. So please be kind and compassionate in your thoughts about me and the person involved. Not because his behavior was excusable. But because we\u2019re all works in progress, he has spent decades working on himself, and he feels terribly shameful about his behavior and is committed to making amends and helping me heal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m sharing this because the trauma from my childhood followed by this trauma has had a detrimental impact on my body. My body is constantly stressed from a lifetime of living in a state of trauma. From a lifetime of not getting to share my thoughts and feelings without serious consequences. From a lifetime of not having safe places to be myself. In my psychotherapy I\u2019m working on getting to take up space, getting to have my needs met, and validating my own thoughts and feelings. As part of this, my therapist and I decided that a big step for me was giving myself the permission to tell all the parts of my trauma. Even the ones that I\u2019ve kept mostly secret. My husband and I have both been really good at hiding it. And he really is a kind and compassionate person and always has been outside of our house. Which added to my trauma \u2013 I sometimes wondered what was wrong with me that he wasn\u2019t also kind and compassionate towards me. So here it is.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For over 20 years my husband emotionally, sexually, and spiritually abused me. I am a victim of intimate partner violence. There. I said it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even before we were married the controlling behaviors and pressure for physical intimacy began. He was relentless. And he repeatedly threatened to break up with me if I said no. One night I said no, and I was particularly determined to not be bullied into something I didn\u2019t currently want to do. After almost an hour of relentlessly asking me, insulting me, and threatening me, finally my boyfriend (at the time) left my college dorm room. 15 minutes later my phone started ringing. Repeatedly he continued to say terribly mean things to me when I kept saying no until I hung up on him. He kept calling back until I put my phone on Do Not Disturb. This was back before cell phones. It was a whole different world back then. Lol. A little while later he reentered my room. People had let him in because they knew him as my nice and safe boyfriend. And this time he kept at it. Insulting me, berating me, demanding physical attention. After hours of this, I was so exhausted I finally gave in. I just wanted to fall asleep. Afterwards he was nice again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I thought a lot of these behaviors would stop once we got married. I was young and na\u00efve. They didn\u2019t stop. He wanted sex every night. It didn\u2019t matter if I was tired, if I was sad, if I was sick, or if I just didn\u2019t want to that night. And the same things happened. He kept insulting me until I got so tired that I gave in. After a few months, we \u201ccompromised\u201d on having sex every other night. And this was religiously followed. It didn\u2019t matter if I was sick. And some nights I was really really sick. In his mind I had no legitimate reasons for saying no. This every other night pattern continued up until about 5 years ago. He also continually threatened to divorce me but now it wasn\u2019t just over sex. Every few years he developed a different obsession \u2013 something significant that I needed to change for him to be happy with me. For a while it was that I needed to lose weight. Then for many years it was that I needed to have breast surgery. He was relentless about that too. After one of my good friend\u2019s weddings, I was feeling close to him, so when we got home and he pulled me close I thought he was being affectionate. Instead while hugging me he told me that for the whole wedding he was looking down my dress and was really turned off and disgusted by my breasts. I never had breast augmentation surgery. Eventually he moved on to the next obsession.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He got angry with me a lot. If I took more than a few seconds looking for my wallet in my purse in the checkout line, he would give me disapproving stares and tell me his disapproval in the car. Once during a disagreement in Target about the lights on our first Christmas tree he found notecards shaped like letters, and he started putting them in my arms \u2013 B. I. T. C… You can finish the word. He would call me in the middle of my work day frequently to yell at me about something. He often left random papers lying around our house. And then when he couldn\u2019t find a paper, he would call me to yell at me and blame me for putting it somewhere. At my first professional job, I didn\u2019t have a phone in my office. So he would call me on the shared phone in our busy office and yell at me with my boss, coworkers, and my staff present. Later on when I had my own practice he would yell at me on the phone in between my client sessions. It didn\u2019t matter to him if I had 8 clients back-to-back and was exhausted. After, I would wipe my tears, put on a smile, greet my next client, and pour myself into them for the duration of their session. He berated and insulted me so often during my work day using instant messaging that I eventually blocked him from my Gmail chat. He did this through text too. Once I asked him to meet me and our kids at their elementary school for an open house. I was 5 minutes late because I had a lot of clients, one of my sessions ran a little late, and then I had to drive about 15 minutes to pick up our kids from daycare. Meanwhile he was working from home and simply had to drive less than 5 minutes away to the school. My whole car ride he was yelling at me and insulting me over text and letting me know how much of his time I was selfishly wasting. These same interactions happened again and again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Often when I would ask him for something or let him know something was important to me, he would use that interaction as an opportunity to remind me of all the things he thought I was doing wrong and all the ways I wasn\u2019t meeting his needs. My whole body felt tense any time he walked into a room and sat down next to me because often he would then tell me what a horrible wife I am and how I don\u2019t love him enough. When I would ask him what more I could do, he never had a specific answer for me. He threatened to cut up my bank debit card several times because he saw charges at Target that he felt were too high. It didn\u2019t matter to him that in those shopping trips I was buying household supplies and clothes for our kids. When a scammer humiliated me and stole thousands of dollars from me, he spent the whole evening calling me stupid over and over again. I had to escape to a friends\u2019 house sobbing the whole way there. I\u2019ve been repeatedly laughed at and insulted while crying. When I tried to get away to have some space for my feelings, several times he locked me out of our house and stood at the door laughing. Other times when I locked myself in a room, he picked the lock. Once he took an entire door off its hinges.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For much of our relationship he was a campus pastor for the Christian student group at our local college, and he often gave talks\/sermons there during the week. If he was going to be speaking there during the week and I talked with him about a way in which he had hurt me, he would berate me for bringing it up on a week where he was speaking. I was allowing him to be \u201cspiritually attacked\u201d. When we prayed together, I never prayed the \u201cright\u201d way. One car ride he insulted me for over an hour for not spending enough time thanking God in my prayer. He told me once that I \u201crepresent everything that is wrong with American Christianity.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We received marriage therapy for several months at his request. At one point she asked us to make a list of all the things we needed an apology for. When our therapist gave me the floor, I started with needing an apology for him threatening to divorce me if I didn\u2019t get breast surgery. He shut down and expressed disgust that I brought up that issue first. I never received an apology. He never followed through with the therapist\u2019s recommendations and most of the sessions seemed like another opportunity for him to tell me all the things I\u2019m doing wrong. Eventually I let our therapist know that it was not healthy for me to continue in sessions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I poured myself into my husband. I tried my best to show interest in the things he\u2019s passionate about. In turn, I typically had to beg and plead for him to do the things with me that I wanted. He would either refuse or somehow make the experience miserable for me. When we bought our first house, I wanted to build a deck. He wanted to finish our basement. We finished our basement, and I never got a deck. My achievements were rarely celebrated. Many birthdays and Mother\u2019s Days went by without much acknowledgement. And I couldn\u2019t talk to anyone about it. People loved him. He was a good guy to everyone else. If I were to divorce him or even talked about it, I was threatened with him damaging my reputation. We were also in the evangelical culture where divorce is very much frowned upon. The organization he worked for did not react kindly to their staff getting divorced. For his job, he had to fundraise with churches and individuals (all our friends) for his salary. If I talked with people, I faced the very real threat of them removing their financial support and in turn hurting my chances of receiving financial support.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is so. much. more. Again in short my feelings didn\u2019t matter. I didn\u2019t deserve to take up space in our family or in the world. And I had no one to share my feelings and thoughts with. Nowhere to share my story. And now sadly even though the relationships in my life are good and beautiful, my body is suffering. I don\u2019t think this lifetime of trauma has caused my autoimmune issues. But I do think that this trauma has caused my body to be in a constant state of stress and that this level of stress increases the severity of my symptoms. Everyone with autoimmune disease has their own set of triggers – situations or events that cause their autoimmune diseases to flare and their symptoms to increase. And when we talk about mental health in connection with autoimmune diseases or other chronic illnesses, it\u2019s not a black and white situation. A lot of things can be true. Yes \u2013 our diseases are very real. Yes \u2013 stress can increase or trigger symptoms for some warriors. Yes \u2013 Many chronic illness warriors can experience an increase in symptoms without significant stressors. Yes \u2013 Chronic illness warriors can also suffer from depression and anxiety as a result of their debilitating physical symptoms. I hope that more medical providers can develop a better understanding of mental health and chronic illness and in turn communicate in healthier and more helpful ways with their patients.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For me, my number one trigger is stress. Continuing to live in safe spaces is really important for me in decreasing my stress response. And I have worked hard at this in the last few years. I have distanced myself from people and places that aren\u2019t healthy for me. My circle has become much smaller and at the same time much stronger. I have a small handful of people who pour into me at the same level that I pour into them. They are my safe spaces. And my husband has been on his own healing journey. And he is actively creating a safe space for me in our home and in our relationship. And over A LOT of time, my trauma triggers are becoming less and less intense and frequent. I\u2019m hoping that this reduction of trauma and stress will have a positive impact on my chronic illnesses too. I am taking up more space in the world. And now my story is also taking up space. Thank you so much for reading this very long post. I wish all of my readers safe spaces. You also deserve to take up space in this world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Talking about mental health and chronic illness is triggering for many of us warriors. Many of us have been dismissed, not believed, and misdiagnosed by medical providers. We hear things like: \u201cIt\u2019s all in your head.\u201d You\u2019re just depressed.\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s anxiety.\u201d \u201cYour symptoms are all from stress.\u201d And the list goes on. This is medical … Continue reading “\ufffcMental Health, Trauma, and Chronic Illness”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":219,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[63,10,11,91,86,85,87,89,38,88,21,84,90],"class_list":["post-216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-autoimmune-disease","tag-chronic-illness","tag-disability","tag-domestic-violence","tag-emotional-abuse","tag-intimate-partner-violence","tag-neglect","tag-psoriasis","tag-psoriatic-arthritis","tag-sexual-abuse","tag-trauma","tag-ulcerative-colitis","tag-vitiligo"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/03\/C0E0039C-A224-484D-A37B-D4A90C26E451-scaled.jpeg?fit=1935%2C2560&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/216","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=216"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/216\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":218,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/216\/revisions\/218"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/219"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=216"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=216"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=216"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}