{"id":157,"date":"2020-12-28T03:42:46","date_gmt":"2020-12-28T03:42:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/?p=157"},"modified":"2020-12-28T03:42:46","modified_gmt":"2020-12-28T03:42:46","slug":"christmas-trees-trauma-and-chronic-illness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/?p=157","title":{"rendered":"Christmas Trees, Trauma, and Chronic Illness"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Christmas trees<\/li><li>Trauma<\/li><li>Chronic Illness<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I will do my best to explain how these 3 words are connected&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019ve had a lot of trauma in my life \u2013 sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect. Some of this occurred in my adulthood. However, I think that if my emotional and physical needs were attended to in my childhood, I would have learned to surround myself with more love later in life. I won\u2019t write details about abuse in my blogs because reading about others\u2019 abuse can be a trigger for victims, and those with chronic illness need to be especially careful. I am fully convinced that while my illnesses are genetic, the severity of them is very influenced by previous trauma and current stressors. Every time I am exposed to a situation that triggers memories or emotions associated with previous trauma, my symptoms flare. Sometimes for just days and sometimes for weeks. Chronic illness is so very unpredictable. And for that reason, I want to be very careful with my own feelings and trauma and also those of my readers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But I can write a little about my parents\u2019 neglectfulness. Not only did they neglect to care for my emotional and physical needs, they also neglected to care for our things. My bedroom had a big hole in the wall from where a plumber needed to fix a leaky pipe, our house was overrun with mice with no attempts at control, our water was dangerously unfiltered, we had no A\/C and our windows were always painted shut, the one thing I had from my Pop-pop (a handmade doll house) was carelessly thrown into our garage and completely ruined, etc. etc.. My family had lots of money issues. My mom constantly spent a lot money on unworn clothes and junk that sat around our house. But I don\u2019t even think that was the main problem. The problem was that they consistently didn\u2019t take care of the important things.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So on to Christmas trees&#8230;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">I\u2019m writing this blog as I\u2019m sitting in my wheelchair recovering from taking down this year\u2019s tree. And I\u2019m trying to figure out why every year, the Christmas tree is such an emotional rollercoaster for me. I\u2019m obsessed with our Christmas trees. Every year. Beyond just the normal love of the holiday season. And every year I have insisted on getting a real Christmas tree from a Christmas tree farm. Every year we get a family photo of the experience. Every year I spend so much of my very limited energy meticulously decorating our tree. I collect beautiful ornaments, many of them with special memories attached, and get much joy out of putting them all on the tree. (None of this is really a problem.) And then every year I spend the next week icing and heating and bracing my joints to help them recover from all the efforts. My husband may disagree (lol), but I am totally ok with this sacrifice. Here is this year\u2019s tree. Please admire the beauty:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large is-style-default\"><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"840\" height=\"840\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/6CAE5CD7-868B-4190-ADDB-26DD49884EAD.jpeg?resize=840%2C840&#038;ssl=1\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-158\" srcset=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/6CAE5CD7-868B-4190-ADDB-26DD49884EAD.jpeg?resize=1024%2C1024&amp;ssl=1 1024w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/6CAE5CD7-868B-4190-ADDB-26DD49884EAD.jpeg?resize=300%2C300&amp;ssl=1 300w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/6CAE5CD7-868B-4190-ADDB-26DD49884EAD.jpeg?resize=150%2C150&amp;ssl=1 150w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/6CAE5CD7-868B-4190-ADDB-26DD49884EAD.jpeg?resize=768%2C768&amp;ssl=1 768w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/6CAE5CD7-868B-4190-ADDB-26DD49884EAD.jpeg?resize=1536%2C1536&amp;ssl=1 1536w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/6CAE5CD7-868B-4190-ADDB-26DD49884EAD.jpeg?w=2048&amp;ssl=1 2048w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/6CAE5CD7-868B-4190-ADDB-26DD49884EAD.jpeg?resize=1200%2C1200&amp;ssl=1 1200w, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/6CAE5CD7-868B-4190-ADDB-26DD49884EAD.jpeg?w=1680&amp;ssl=1 1680w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 709px) 85vw, (max-width: 909px) 67vw, (max-width: 1362px) 62vw, 840px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But every year something goes wrong. A special ornament drops and breaks (hand arthritis problems), the tree falls over, pine needles fall off too soon, lights stop working, or like this year the tree dies before Christmas day. And every year as I\u2019m taking the tree down, I\u2019m sad that I can\u2019t leave it up longer. And I cry and grieve the loss of our Christmas tree. It\u2019s a whole thing. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s completely normal. Lol.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So this year as I\u2019m attempting to recover from our tree, I am processing what it is that is such a big deal for me about a Christmas tree. And I think I\u2019ve finally figured it out. Part of my parents\u2019 neglect of things was the Christmas tree. They just didn\u2019t seem to care. Our tree was embarrassing. It was a 2 feet tall fake tree with very few branches. Picture the Charlie Brown tree, except worse. Even as a kid I loved Christmas trees. I went to friends\u2019 houses and helped them decorate. I loved looking at trees and lights and ornaments and everything Christmas tree related. And the only way my family displayed a Christmas tree at all was if I put it up, put the lights on, and decorated it (with our minimal ornaments).<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So when I look at our bare Christmas tree with no needles left this year after taking the lights and ornaments off, I realize now why I get so very sad. It is a trigger for my childhood neglect. Albeit, a very strange trigger. But a trigger nonetheless.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So I did it. With the encouragement of my chronic illness bestie (every chronic illness warrior should have a Corrin in their life. She reminds me to love myself), I bought a beautiful 7.5 feet tall fake tree. One that won\u2019t die, fall over, or lose its needles. A safe place to display all my important ornaments. I even made sure not to buy a pre-lit tree &#8211; to  avoid the possible trigger of the lights no longer working. My kids and husband can still have their real tree in the sunroom if they feel it\u2019s necessary.\u00a0But I will not be grieving my childhood trauma and the lack of parental love and care next year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Self-love and self-care is so very important for each one of us chronic illness warriors. Your self-love is probably not buying a fake Christmas tree. But, we all have those things that we could do to care for ourselves. To minimize our triggers and flares. And we don\u2019t always or possibly ever have to wait for permission or complete agreement from our family. If I waited for permission to buy this tree, I would have never done it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">As an aside, I don\u2019t want to create marital issues. Lol. For example, I also want a puppy. But, if I just brought a puppy home one day, that would not go over well. Mainly because a pet is something the whole family needs to take care of. And my husband is a very tough sell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">But a Christmas tree is different. And I\u2019m sure you all have your own \u201cfake Christmas trees\u201d in your lives. Ways that you can love yourself better. Please leave a comment and tell me what your \u201cfake Christmas trees\u201d are.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">We can\u2019t always wait for others to meet our needs or give us the love we wanted but never had. Or the love we need. Or the care we need for our bodies and minds. Sometimes we have to care for ourselves. We have to take the plunge and buy the fake Christmas tree.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">So, I hope I explained it well. Christmas trees, trauma, and chronic illness. Happy Holidays everyone!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Christmas trees Trauma Chronic Illness I will do my best to explain how these 3 words are connected&#8230; I\u2019ve had a lot of trauma in my life \u2013 sexual abuse, spiritual abuse, emotional abuse, and neglect. Some of this occurred in my adulthood. However, I think that if my emotional and physical needs were attended &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/?p=157\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;Christmas Trees, Trauma, and Chronic Illness&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":161,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[22,23,10,26,27,21,24],"class_list":["post-157","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-christmas","tag-christmas-trees","tag-chronic-illness","tag-self-care","tag-self-love","tag-trauma","tag-trauma-triggers"],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/5748AAD1-E97A-4C35-B33D-391820608E99_1_105_c.jpeg?fit=886%2C886&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=157"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":162,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/157\/revisions\/162"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/161"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=157"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=157"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/chronicallyfabuloustherapist.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=157"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}